I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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