Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
