I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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