So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
