Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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