I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize