That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
