I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
