i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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