I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize