Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
