How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
