you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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