Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
