dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
