Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
