Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
