@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
