So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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