Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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