my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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