we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
