He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
