Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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