i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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