i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
