I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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