i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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