We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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