This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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