i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
