she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
