If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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