Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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