Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
