I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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