She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
