somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
