You're so nebulous sometimes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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