So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
