ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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