If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
