yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
