my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
