I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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