Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
