i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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