I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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