don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
