is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
being pregnant is like rehab
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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