evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
