i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you never un-have a 4some
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
