Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
