U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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