Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
