jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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