Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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