If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
