Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
