Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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