I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All the doctor said was why
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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