So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
