Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
