My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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