I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
