I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
