i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
